Tag Archives: Simplykyle

How To Make A Decent Justice League of America Movie

18 Feb

How To Make A Decent Justice League of America Movie
by SimplyKyle 2/13/13

jla1 header

It is inevitable. A Justice League movie will eventually make it to the big screen but many wonder how anyone expects to pull such a feat off. With the success of Marvel’s The Avengers and all the individual hero movies that led up to it, it’s a wonder why DC has not jumped on the opportunity to make their own superhero team movie. I mean it took them long enough to start hinting at the possibility, not committing to anything of course, just saying that the potential for the possibility might be there if they feel like it maybe someday.

I have a few suggestions to make it a successful movie and not just a rushed, capitalize-on-the-superhero-trend-while-you-can, poorly written, piece of garbage which is highly likely if not handled properly. After all, anyone could throw a JLA movie together with the common knowledge of the characters from the comics and ride on the coattails of the success of Christopher Nolan’s Batman films (as people will compare all future DC movies to)

It would take careful planning and years of rewrites to stitch together and compose an elegantly written and believable (in the comic movie universe sense) story that could do such an influential comic book identity justice (no pun intended).

Even the Avengers had aspects that could have been worked out better if they had gone into the first Iron Man (or Hulk movie) with definite plans to make an Avengers film, but that idea was a distant dream in the beginning. Given the time and money, building a Justice League movie should be something that can be produced fairly easily. Set aside contract issues, licensing, and all other real world stuff that causes problems in film making that the average person seems to forget about when their favorite characters have flaws and the film isn’t how they would have done it.

It’s not a perfect world and movies are fantasy (gasp) and they are made by people who encounter real world issues (gasp again) when making something. The same way that in theory running away and working on a tropical island sounds great but the haunting student loans and inability to uproot yourself holds you back. Sometime movie companies run out of money, or schedules don’t fit, or deadlines approach, or contracts don’t work out. I’m sure every producer would love to make the perfect movie every time but if that were the case a new movie would only premier every ten years instead of every friday. Hell, if that were the case and companies only put out “perfect movies” we wouldn’t have 6 Fast and the Furious films, or even one of the Scary Movie films.

In an ideal world, they’d have Christian Bale’s Batman, Man of Steel‘s Henry Cavill as Superman, Smallville‘s Giancarlo Esposito as Martian Manhunter, Rooney Mara as Wonder Woman (because why not), Ryan Reynolds as Green Lantern (just to save time on redoing the movie), and Aquaman would somehow not be made fun of.

But as this is unlikely to ever happen so let’s get real shall we.

Obviously the movie would have to include; Superman, Batman, Wonder woman, Flash, Aquaman, Martian Manhunter, Green Lantern. Although I worry that with the apparent success of the new show Arrow, Warner Bros will likely try to fit in Green Arrow, aka Batman with a bow. Regardless this is about how I would make it, just keep in mind that Warner Bros will probably try and fit him in just like Hawkeye was tossed in the mix of The Avengers.

Anyway let me break it down…

What needs to be done

The JLA characters are so huge that they would each need solo movies that generated buzz and interest to reel people in for such a huge undertaking of the movie.

Marvel did this with The Avengers. It took years but Iron Man, Thor, and Captain America: The First Avenger were great movies by themselves before they started producing The Avengers. (I am aware of the mixed feelings of the two Hulk movies, each showed a very different type of Hulk, a character that really didn’t get good representation until the team up movie.)

If DC wanted to attempt make a JLA movie work, they would have to recoup from their failed Superman Returns and the mediocre Green Lantern. Besides Nolan’s Batman trilogy there is no huge character from Justice League and there is no way Nolan’s universe or that Batman would ever exist in a Justice League movie if they made it now.

And face it, Batman can’t carry the Justice League movie on his own. He’s teamed up with some of the most overly powerful beings in comic book history and a movie featuring them needs to be so epic that Batman (no matter how cool he is in the Dark Knight) would look like an ant up against a giant. For instance, if it were Batman vs Doomsday, he would certainly lose, Batman vs. Anti-Monitor, he loses, Batman vs Spaceman X…you get the picture. It can almost be certain that the Batman we have come to love the past few years will have to be redone to fit in any Justice League movie universe.

So, they would have to introduce each member of the Justice League in their own solo movie that would be worthy of adding up to warrant a Justice League movie.

Superman really is the key component in making a successful Justice League flick and first they have to nail a Superman movie. There has yet to be one. It looks like Man of Steel is going to be pretty awesome and will be the Superman they use in any potential JLA movie. I know some people may argue that the original Superman movie was great but let’s be real here. It was cool for comic geeks back in the 70s, but that Superman could not hold a candle to today’s cinematic demand of superhero expectations. Let’s work on getting Superman to actual punch a guy into space first (or throw a punch in a movie for that matter) before we try and get him to head up the Justice League on the big screen.

superman-cake

But say they use Man of Steel‘s Superman and the 2011 Green Lantern as the characters for JLA movie, they still need to make a Flash, Wonder woman, Martian Manhunter, new Batman, and even an Aquaman movie.

Estimate two a year, if they were  all even in development yet, puts us about three years out. Most of them are not likely even being considered, nor developed, so we are closer to five or six years minimum form a JLA movie in order for it to be done right. They can’t nix a Batman redux because the Batman in JLA will be so vastly different from Christian Bale’s Batman. And if they just assume everybody knows Batman from Nolan’s films then the audience will be wildly disappointed when they go in thinking of that one and see whatever version of Batty shows up in the JLA movie.

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How they should approach it

First off, they’ll have to acknowledge the existence of the other super powered beings existing in each movie for it to make sense that they team up. Not necessarily in the sense that The Avengers had Samuel Jackson go around and yell at people until they decided to work together, but in the sense that if there’s a guy who can fly and shoot laser, you’d be damn certain the guy who can talk to fish knows about that red tight wearing guy from Metropolis.

This is one reason Spiderman as we knew him could not be in the Avenger’s movie, New York only seemed to acknowledge the one guy in tights when he battled Doc Ock. Same goes for the X-men not helping out in the Chitauri invasion. In their movies it was an international debate about mutant registration, but not once was this mutant menace mentioned during Tony Stark’s press conference or federal trial.

Of course, this could all be resolved they way they do in comics by throwing alternate universes into the mix (something X-men Days of Future Past may be playing with) but in a society that allows multiple seasons of Jersey Shore and only one of Firefly, theoretical physics may not pacify their desire for explanation, in what is a fictional cinematic world to being with.

We should be able to just say “because we fucking said so, it’s a goddamn movie” and leave it at that. But as internet debates have shown us, apparently everybody who has ever seen a superhero movies wonders why they aren’t all canon to each other and will nitpick all their inconsistencies and why they are terrible, despite making millions of dollars in the box office (as well as fitting in a way to horribly insult your mother).

3pcfdo

So as I stated, each member would have to have a worthy solo film.

Superman
superman-man-of-steel-close-ups-of-new-outfitThe upcoming Man of Steel version should be used to begin the JLA series. He’ll have to have a struggling, dark, and gritty past with initial protest or hesitation of trust from earth only to be redeemed by saving the earth or a large population from a great threat. I’ll entrust Man of Steel to do a decent enough job to create a usable, modern cinema friendly and appealing Superman.

Batman
Batman
Will be probably the toughest to redo. As I stated earlier, the Batman we have seen represented by Christian Bale the past few years would be ideal, but would not fit in any conceivable universe they would base an upcoming JLA movie in that includes other superheroes never mentioned in The Dark Knight trilogy. Unless of course it is based years after and Batman has to return to team up with the JLA as being the first “super-hero” the world had seen publicly, which led to the rise in super powered heroes and villains in years after. This could open up the Joseph-Gordon Levitt’s Batman/Nightwing character that The Dark Knight Rises alludes to at the end. You know what, that may work easiest instead of trying to remake a Batman that moviegoers can love that they won’t keep comparing to The Dark Knight’s version (the recent Amazing Spiderman remake comes to mind). They could make it a darker Batman but any darker than what we’ve seen and the screen would just be black. I’ll revisit how to attempt another (inevitable) re-imagining of Batman at a later date.

Wonder Woman
Wonder Woman
Not to keep relating the JLA to the Avengers (let’s be honest one is pretty much the other companies version of the other) but a Wonder Woman movie would probably have to be much like the Thor movie was, only it would not directly lead into the final team up movie (I leave that to Martian Manhunter later). This movie will have to take place on a magical island inhabited by gorgeous Amazonian women who have the powers of gods. Wonder Woman’s character would have to be curious of the lives of regular humans and ventures to our normal world and inadvertently saves someone and gets labeled as a hero. She would be sought after by military officials and would continue to protect humans, whom she has grown fond of, from danger. This intervening with normal people will upset her homeland friends and they will give her an ultimatum, she can either return or choose to live amongst the humans never being allowed to live in her homeland again. For good measure you obviously have to throw in a normal man who she falls in love with but he doesn’t know her secret. Hopefully this would stand a better chance at getting produced than the two failed attempts at Wonder Woman tv shows.

Flash
FlashHonestly, he probably doesn’t need his own movie. He could easily be slipped into one or more of the other movies like with Hawkeye in Marvel series. Because when you get down to it, he’s a guy who runs really fast. Yes, I know he has been known to phase through things and mess with time but how much can we fit into 2 ½ hours that doesn’t seem like we’re pulling things out of our ass?

Aquaman
aquamanAs much as I hate to say it, he warrants his own movie more than Flash because of the sigma around him. He would really need to be made a bad ass similar to how he is in the New 52. One of the top priorities would have to be getting the outfit right because orange and green, scaly tights can be very unflattering very quickly. I would suggest having his origin explain how he gained his powers from a meteor (tied to Superman) and he gets the aquatic powers because it lands in the water he is swimming in at the time. Obviously his friend who was with him will go evil and have similar powers and will be the main person he fights, symbolizing his struggle with himself as he battles the changes he is going through and the consequences of having his powers and how easily he could be turned to a darker side.

Green Lantern
Green LanternWill need to be redone because we’ll have to take each member seriously (also we need to get Ryan Reynolds out of the green tights and start making that damn Deadpool movie already!) I see this being the second to last movie released before the JLA movie, it would help begin tying the cosmic space themes to the way the JLA movie will have to incorporate. I think to separate this new Green Lantern from the Ryan Reynolds version, you would need to go the John Stewart Green Lantern route and make him an African-American character (because honestly the JLA needs to diversify). The origin can be tweaked to have the alien, Abin Sur, give John the ring which makes him Green Lantern. The reason behind Abin Sur’s being near earth is his tracking an alien being that is nowhere near the size of Parallax in the recent movie, it can’t be so earth shattering yet. This alien is a tough bad guy who is actually just a scout for the main bad guy in the JLA movie that Martian Manhunter will be tracking. Throughout this movie there will be a scientist, Dr. Saul Erdel, that Green Lantern knows who is trying to reach out to aliens and inadvertently calls the bad guy that Green Lantern  must battle.

Martian Manhunter
martian manhunterWould have to be the last movie before the JLA movie. It would flow as a report being documented by Martian Manhunter who has been away from his home world for many years in search of an evil entity that attacked his people. Once he finds one of the villain’s minions (the bad guy from Green Lantern film) he gets a trace on where the evil entity is. He too will pick up Dr. Saul Erdel’s signal that draws the evil to Earth and he will make his way to warn Earth of the danger that is coming, arriving after Green Lantern defeats the minion (so he’ll also show up at the end of that movie to tie it in, showing that both movies were happening in roughly the same time frame). We’ll end on Martian Manhunter explaining that he has learned of other powered individuals on Earth that can help protect the planet from destruction.

What it would be about

The evil entity that the JLA will ultimately be battling will be revealed to be Darkseid, probably one of the most powerful bad asses to walk in the DC Universe.

character_bio_576_darkseid2

In the JLA movie, Martian Manhunter and Green Lantern will be trying to convince the rest of the team to work together for the oncoming evil. Obviously, Superman will be first on board. Flash and Aquaman will be easily recruited, while Batman will likely want to work alone and would take more persuading and Wonder Woman tries to resist as she gave up using her powers to be with the man she loves (lame I know, but probably appealing to girls. maybe?).

Darkseid will be able to sense the powerful beings on earth and one mystical place that he first discovers is Wonder Woman’s homeland. He first attacks there and many of the Amazonian woman are killed, this will ultimately spark Wonder Woman to join the JLA.

Darkseid will be able to convert anyone into an evil minion of his if they are weak-willed and he can over come them. This will quickly create an army that will cause a problem for the JLA. After his initial resistance, Batman will show up with a device that can temporarily stop Darkseid’s hold over humans which will make it easier for the JLA. With their combined intellect and powers they will wage war against Darkseid’s evil, while trying to protect the innocent humans under his control.

Justice-League-darkseid

The movie will span the globe as the JLA tries to manage the worldwide attack as evil spreads like a plague. Eventually, good will triumph evil but only after we believe the JLA may lose, perhaps some of the members fall under Darkseid’s control? I have several ways they may manage to defeat Darkseid but its tough to say which would do justice for the Justice League of America (pun very much intended).

So hopefully Hollywood understand what their up against by taking on such a task of a Justice League movie. They have to realize the magnitude of the project and can hopefully take a few tips from my opinion (and I wouldn’t be opposed to helping write the scripts). Time will only tell, either the DC movies will triumph and we’ll see the movie in the next five years or they will become total flops at the box office and a mutli-million dollar budget Justice League of America movie will never see the light of day. We could always hold out hope for a Justice League of Antarctica movie

-Photos used are property of DC Comics, Warner Bros. Entertainment, Time Warner, and their  respective sources. They do not belong to GeekTheWorldOnline and are intended for use in character and media review in strictly entertainment and editorial means. Their use is protected by Section 107 under the US copyright law.

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Buying More Space: The Future of Commercial Space Tourism

31 Jan

Buying More Space: The Future of Commercial Space Tourism
article by SimplyKyle 1/31/13

Anyone who was ever captivated by the sci-fi future stories of people travelling to and from space like you go to the grocery store can get excited for the possibility of commercial space travel in foreseeable future.

While there are risks to be weighed and several obstacles to overcome, the simple fact that it is being considered as a definite probability is friggin awesome.

Space tourism has been around in a pseudo-sense for a little over 10 years. For a couple million dollars its easy to find some country with a space program that’s desperate for money that will allow a minimally trained civilian go into the upper atmosphere or if you’re Russia, send people to say what’s up to the crew on the International Space Station (ISS).

In recent years, companies like Space Adventures, Space X, and Virgin Galactic have had their ups and downs with developing a reasonable means to allow the average person (with hundreds of thousands of dollars, more likely millions) to take a nice jaunt into space aboard custom designed space shuttle aircraft that will likely increase the number of alleged UFO sightings all over the globe.

virgini

Virgin Galactic, a company owned by Richard Branson, actually plans to be one of the most “affordable” luxury suborbital space tourism companies at around $200,000 for a two hour flight with a total of six minutes of weightlessness. This new market for companies to make money (because we all know Richard Branson is in need of more money) was only a pipe dream just twenty years ago.

Developments in Space Tourism are expected to take drastic leaps forward in the coming year, with some companies performing test flights and even anticipating opening to public within five years.

The magnitude of such a leap in our ability to travel could eventually open us up to colonizing the moon, or Mars, or any other habitable planet….and then continuing to mess it up just like Earth.

space junk from bbc
“Yay! scientific advancement!”

So perhaps Arthur C. Clark’s vision in 2001: A Space Odyssey, brought to life on the screen by Stanley Kubrick was not so far-fetched and after all. We could easily be traveling to work on orbiting financial buildings at jobs we hate or dangerously mining the over-priced rocks of the Moon in no time.

stanley-kubrick-crazy-directors-300x261
“ok, well, still maybe a little crazy”

I am super excited about the possibility and hope one day be able to make the endeavor into the wonders of space (most likely by having to take out a loan bigger than that of any mortgage, college tuition, car payment, and life insurance accumulative of my entire family). Perhaps one day in my life time, when I am an old, bitter man, it will be more affordable. I know it will definitely still be exhilarating, that is until future generations become so used to the luxury that it becomes as boring to them as riding the train to work (damn future young people).

One thing is for sure, it is definitely something we will inevitably have to accomplish to further advance as a species. The quick we can send people off the planet the better.

 

To learn more about space tourism visit:

http://www.nasa.gov/exploration/commercial
http://www.virgingalactic.com
or google works too, this is 2013.

 

 

-Photos used are property of bbc.com, NASA, and their  respective sources. They do not belong to GeekTheWorldOnline and are intended for use in strictly entertainment and editorial means. 

 

Sources:
“Private Space Travel to Make Giant Leaps in 2013” Rob Coppinger, SPACE.com, 01 January 2013

http://www.nasa.gov/exploration/commercial

 

GOTW – Natalie Portman

26 May

Natalie_Portman_laughing
Name:
Natalie (Hershlag) Portman
Age: 30
Hometown: Jerusalem, Israel
Known For: Padme Amidala in Star Wars Prequels
Evey Hammond in V for Vendetta
Samantha in Garden State
Nina Sayers in Black Swan
Jane Foster in Thor

The ever adorable sweetheart Natalie Portman has had a fantastic film career so far and has done much more to deserve a spot in our Geek Of The Week archives.

Believe it or not until I started writing this article (an most of you who read it) did not know that Natalie Portman was born in Jerusalem by the name Natalie Hershlag, that has such a ring to it. A brainy chick that she is, she holds bachelor’s degree in Psychology from friggin Harvard University. In fact she cares so much about education that when she was in high school, she skipped the premiere of Star Wars Episode I so she could study for her final exams (talk about dedication). She’s even taken graduate classes at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem and guest lectured at Columbia University. She’s co-authored papers published in several scientific journals.

natalie-portman(She knows more about frontal lobe activation during object permanence than you.)

She really fell into the hearts of geeks everywhere when she was cast as Queen Amidala in the Star Wars prequels. An onscreen team up of her and Kiera Knightley in Episode 1 caused nergasms worldwide.

keira_starwars-431x300

keira and natalie(I believe they’re part of a cloning project to make the perfect actress)

Natalie earned our love during all three Star Wars prequel upstaged only by the incredible character skills of Jar-Jar Binks. She maintains an excellent balance between both dramas and sci-fi flicks, playing incredible roles in movies such as the tempting Alice in Closer, the lovable Sam in Garden State, Evey in V for Vendetta, and most recently Jane Foster in Thor, in which she passed our expectation as a worthy portrayal of Thor’s love interest. And who could forget her role in Black Swan where she made most movie goers ‘quite excited’ during her totally awesome scene alongside Mila Kunis.

Axel-blog-natalie-portman-mila-kunis-kissing-black-swan-600x291
(I LikeButton this)

She continues to be involved in the production of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, she has leant her voice to The Simpsons (a true attribute to success), and has shown her comedic side on SNL, Funnyordie.com, and a few films.

Aside from acting, Natalie is great humanitarian. Proving so with her involvement as an advocate for animal rights, acting against poverty by traveling to third world countries to help, as well as being an active voice in politics. Making her an all around fantastic and wonderful human being.

With an abundance of award winning roles, an ivy league degree,  better hobbies than anyone I know, and more talent than us, Natalie is one of our favorite geek girls and worthy of being our Geek of The Week. We thank Natalie for all she does and all she continues to do and to please tell George Lucas we don’t need any more movies to kill the franchise.

As always here are some closing images for your viewing pleasure and since we love Natalie so much we will be as tasteful as possible.

natalie-portman-elle-uk-february-2010-4natalie_portman_star_wars
(beautiful and smart, a deadly combination)

-SimplyKyle

-Photos used are property of LucasFilms, Fox, Pheonix Pictures, beyondhollywood.com, Trinix.org, Elle Magazine respectively. They do not belong to GeekTheWorldOnline and are intended for use in character and media review in strictly entertainment and editorial means. Their use is protected by Section 107 under the US copyright law.

GOTW – Summer Glau

14 Mar

Summer-Glau-in-Venice-Magazine-summer-glau-2347086-1069-1500
Name:
Summer Lyn Glau
Age: 30
Hometown: San Antonio, TX
Noteworthy Roles: River Tam in Firefly
Cameron Phillips in Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles
Tess Doerner in The 4400

Summer has been (willingly or not) typecast as a kickass sci-fi chick. Her role as River Tam in the totally awesome TV show Firefly (that was most unfortunately cancelled by some idiots) and the sequel/pseudo-conclusion movie; Serenity, should only be mentioned and any true geek will, for lack of a better term, totally geek out. I don’t know if it’s because she reminds me of the hot, crazy, alternative girl from high-school or what but she’s definitely got my heart.

Firefly - Serenity - RiverThe fact that she takes on such a plethora of sci-fi roles earns her a place in our Geek Of The Week vault. She is able to convince us she is a telekinetic prodigy, a paranoid schizophrenic, and even a motherflippin’ cyborg.

Her years of training as a ballet dancer are not only super hot but helped her to be able to easily learn how to play a character that can truly whip some ass.

josswhedan_narrowweb__200x298She may only just be starting her career, beginning only eight years ago, but we can be sure we’ll see more of her playing some memorable sci-fi hotties, based on her track record. I’m still a little disappointed she isn’t going to be in Suckerpunch; or am I the only one who feels as though she would have fit in there perfectly?

Summer definitely deserves this weeks title, I’d tell her myself how much she is praised in the geek world but I’m sure she already has a good idea. Besides if I got the chance it’d be more awkward than when Leonard, Raj, and Wolowitz met her on the train on Big Bang Theory.

As with all geek girls, we have to show evidence that they can give reason as to why we swoon over them and can look good despite what character they are playing:

summer-glau-sexy-girl    InternetExplorerWallpaper
Hott                                                  Also Hott

Some may say she can only play one type of role but I know two things: Summer Glau is a definite geek and you never mess with a girl with a gun ….

summer_glau_terminator(Totally bad ass!)

-Photos used are property of Fox, JustJared, and fanpop respectively. They do not belong to GeekTheWorldOnline and are intended for use in character and media review in strictly entertainment and editorial means.

TMT – “Interzone”

11 May

Interzone (1987)
review by SimplyKyle

interzone-movie-poster-1987-1020232541

Director: Deran Sarafian
Starring: Bruce Abbott,  Beatrice Ring, and Teagan Clive

Where to begin with this brilliant gem. The premise of the movie seemed pretty promising; being about Humans surviving in a post apocalyptic wasteland in search for a great secret treasure. Who doesn’t love post-apocalyptic movies? Granted I did not go into it expecting MadMax or anything like that, after all it is called Bad Movie Wednesdays for a reason.

So, the movie starts off with very stereotypical 80s music reminding me instantly of Police Academy. Showing mostly scenery, muddy ground water that appears to be boiling set the wasteland feel right off the bat. Eventually you get to see people and the first thing they show you (that I can recall at least) is a homoerotic dancing Patrick Swayze look-a-like in a bar, who has absolutely nothing to do with the movie after the first few scenes (but cot damn do they show him as much as they can in the first 15 minutes).

Some dialogue, with incredibly low audio, establishes who our main character is going to be and then for some reason he decides to join in on a Russian roulette style death game, where the participants pick from a tray full of drinks and hope they don’t get poison. Our main man, Swan (played by Bruce Abbott), is sat at a table with three other guys, one being a black guy (who in like most movies, dies first), we also have the romantic music that plays as we are shown who our female lead will be. (Tera, played by Beatrice Ring)

After a quick predictable round, everyone drinks poison except Swan, who doesn’t drink a damn thing making him winner by default. And what does he win, a toothbrush and some other junk I don’t remember (it’s not important because it is never seen again the whole film). Shortly after, as drunks in a bar do, there erupts a fight and everyone starts fighting (oh and there is a man repeatedly punching a woman in the stomach). With incredible and realistic sound effects and fight choreography that could have been put together by Tony Jaa himself (kidding obviously), our hero Swan easily makes his way out by giving the guy at the door the toothbrush (that is why it is the only thing I remember he got because he gives it away not 10 seconds later)

There’s also this scene about telepathic monks who all have names of popular electronics of the time such as General Electric and Panasonic. They come in to play later, helping and hindering our two heroes. We also get introduced to the main villain, Mantis (played by Teagan Clive), this man-woman is more ripped than…a really ripped dude?….let’s just say she’s intimidating and manly, but dressed like Vampirella. (picture Dolph Lundgren in that green Speedo from Borat). Anyway that show us how much of a bitch/badass she is when she confronts the psychic monks and one can only assume the trouble to come for our heroes.

One thing I noticed was how well maintained everybody’s hair was and how clean their clothes were, ya know for a post apocalyptic world.

Anyway, Swan  rescues Tera from slavery with the help of monk buddy Panasonic and they are chased around by a fat Arabic-looking guy with a sweet zebra print convertible. Eventually they wind up waltzing right into the hideout of the Mantis and her minions. Mantis takes Swan to have her way with him, this entails a disturbingly unsexy, naked, silhouette interpretive dance behind a curtain leading to Mantis force feeding Swan a raw egg, cherries, sardines, and a phallic banana. Then there is a completely random scene of two guards that ends ridiculously gay (in a very homosexual way).
Triumphantly violated, Swan emerges the next morning, presented like some trophy. Mantis then decides he needs to be thrown into their death hole after mating with him. (honestly I didn’t get the reference to a praying mantis until writing this) Conveniently after entering the cavern, Swan find a shot gun and then immediately encounters the beast within, a swamp thing like monster so terrifying it could of only been seen before on old Star Trek episodes. Seconds later, it has been shot and Swan exits the cave, accomplishing what apparently hundreds of other men thrown in there could not do in a matter of seconds.

Yadda Yadda Yadda, Swan ends up being tortured and Tera ends up getting electrocuted. Panasonic also gets tortured and tells Mantis and her people where the treasure is and the weak spot in the Interzone is, having forgotten what the point of everything was this reminds us that there is a plot (oh the Interzone btw is an area that has somehow gone untouched by radiation post-armageddon, considering its only mentioned once but is the whole basis of the movie it’s good to know).

Spoiler alert: Swan ends up dying from his injuries. But not really because since you can’t kill the hero, Panasonic comes along and magically changes places with Swan (a scene as emotional as Sam helping Frodo on Mount Doom). Seeing that Tera has been electrocuted and surely dead, he yells to the sky and does what else? But prepares to go Rambo on the bad guys. Five minute of 80s montage of gathering weapons he could never possibly carry all at once later and he is at the church from the beginning, the bad guys have overpowered the telepathic monks in an epic special effects heavy battle. And What does Swan do? One would think use his arsenal and blast the sh*t out of the bad guys, but sadly no he walks up with one gun and they all run away except Mantis who is lamely trying to open a steel door the monks are hiding behind.

There is a suspenseful fight between Mantis and Swan when Swan basically says “screw this” and shoots a rocket to blow up Mantis and blows a hole in the steel door. Clearly not giving a damn, Swan enters to find out what the secret treasure is and find it is a collection of humanities great works and historical items (I think Book of Eli stole this idea). Swan thinks it’s cool then runs off. We see him next in a field holding Tera’s body…but wait she’s still alive (of course because why the hell not?) They live happily ever after, as much as they can seeing the world is still a sh*thole. This leaves only one question in my mind; why the hell did Swan drag Tera’s “dead” body out to a field just to hold on to it and cry since he didn’t know she was still alive in the first place?

In closing, this movie started off kind of serious, granted I know it was a low-budget indie film but usually they try and make a great story and believe in themselves. This just got more and more ridiculous with every scene. A fun note however the Director, Deran, went on to direct a bunch of episodes of House and for every incarnation of CSI, as well as an episode of LOST and Fringe. Admittedly, this movie had it all; domestic abuse, sex slaves, telepathic monks, stabbing of pregnant women, a love scene where they actual run through a meadow in slow motion, and a motherflippin’ flamethrower! Academy Award winning acting,  Avatar-like special effects, and a plot rivaling Inception  make InterZone a great addition to Terrible Movie Tuesdays!

Diamond Quantum Storage

17 Apr

Diamond Quantum Storage
by SimplyKyle 4/17/11

Scientists have said they are going to develop a way to store information in crystals. Didn’t here well check out this article….and this one.
That’s right. Essentially they hope to use crystals just like flash drives. Only they’ll be used to store massive amounts of information. Now one of the first things I thought of when I read this was every Superman medium. For that one guy who doesn’t know what I am talking about, Kryptonians used crystals to store information and as far as I’ve been informed they are supposed to be way more advanced than us. Smallville is notorious for over-using the fact that everything Superman needs to know has been already stored by Jor-El in crystals.

smallville_01(Oh and that anyone can figure out how to use the crystals.)

It seems they can store anything in this form, as the current research suggests we will be able to store unbelievable amount in this Diamond Quantum memory storage technique by utilizing photons of light. (Yes that is as complicated as it sounds).

It’s somewhat unsurprising though. They once said we would never need a Terabyte of storage space, then we got them. The response was; “oh we’ll only need one and never fill it up.” Now we have multiple terabyte drives and thanks to the internet we easily are filling those. The Quantum crystal storage will enable us to store immense amounts of information including historical information for far future generations as they will most likely last far longer than any form of data storage we currently use. Most likely though the majority of people will use it to store excessive amounts of illegally downloaded music and movies, oh and tons of pornography.

good-burger-cover
(because the year 3250 needs access to classic films)

And if comic books have taught me anything, which they have, Sentient voice recordings and holograms will be no problem as well as the blueprints to develop an entire fortress for solitary use of course. Since we’ll be able to see what humanity will need 1,000 years from now. (perhaps we should store some oil and an ozone layer in one of the crystals)
It’ll be quite the feat to develop not only the ability to store info in the crystals but to create a device that will read and write the information…as if external hard drives were disposable now. If we go the route of Superman we’ll just need crystals to read the crystals. Still not sure how that works, unless of course they’re “magic crystals”, but that’s DC for you, just say it’s alien and doesn’t have to follow our normal laws of everything.
Now I’m sure they will be developed to be more practical and appealing than the comic version which always seems to be a hunk of rock or awkward chuck of crystal and impossibly indistinguishable from every other friggin uncut crystal.

smallville0503
(shit, where does this one go?)

Even though Diamond Quantum Memory Storage sounds like some mumbo-jumbo made up for a sci-fi book, I for one think it will be a fantastic breakthrough and lead to incredible things. It just baffles me to think what would be next after that. And if they finally perfect it maybe they’ll be able to use the technology to pull information from the ancient crystal skulls and clear up all that mysterious nonsense.

skullgroup.jpg
(Tell us your secrets oh neatly carved shiny rocks)

-Photos used are property of WB, Nickelodeon, and Paramount respectively. They do not belong to GeekTheWorldOnline and are intended for use in character and media review in strictly entertainment and editorial means. Their use is protected by Section 107 under the US copyright law.

The Show’s been cancelled: Guitar Hero is No More

18 Mar

The Show’s Been Cancelled: Guitar Hero Is No More
by SimplyKyle 03/18/11

CANCELLEDIn early February of 2011, Activision announced that it would discontinue the Guitar Hero brand games, that includes Rock Band too. Whether or not you had heard about this, you’ve had a month to cope. So it’s only right we discuss why this is best and was foreseeable from the first game. Despite the fact that the public runs through trends quick than Charlie Sheen through hookers. (Yeah I said it, It was about time the damn show ended.)

It comes as no surprise that Guitar Hero would go the way of ColecoVision. Honestly the only thing that I feel kept it going for as long as it did was the abundance of pics you could find of the game’s avid fans……

guitar 1guitar 4
guitar 2 guitar 3
guitar 5

(how will attractive girls, with the desire to be accepted, pretend to be interested in video games now?)

Dwindling sales was attributed to the final decision as Warriors of Rock version on sold 1.3 million copies worldwide. Which downright sucks considering the 3rd game sold over 15 million. (We don’t even have to mention the less than 1 million sold by Green Day Rock band) The real reasons I believe Guitar Hero has seen its last is because everyone of the games are the same damn thing. It was getting to the point that, if bought any after the first one, you were just paying to hear the same songs over and over. Most of which have been long played out by the radio stations in the first place.

Another reason is that the people who bought the first one and didn’t like it or couldn’t figure out how to get good at it, sure as hell wouldn’t buy the next one or the 16 that followed, not including the seven versions released for mobile devices only. As more of the same gameplay continued to come out in each version people started getting bored with it faster. It wasn’t like you had some new and exciting storyline or cast of characters, so why bother buying one based on Aerosmith or Van Halen? If you really wanted to listen to the original songs you might as well buy a CD since they’re less than $10 at FYE now or do what the rest of the world does and download it illegally. You’ll save yourself having to hear the mess ups that interrupt the song because you can’t really play guitar in the first place.

Which brings me to my next point. I am glad that the Guitar Hero fad has been nixed because it had created a group of people who thought they were actual musicians because they could beat Free Bird on expert. It saddens me to see people who have a false sense of accomplishment because they believe they have a talent in a virtual, unrealistic setting.

metrostation(That means you miley cyrus’ brother, just give it up)

If even half of the kids who devoted all their time to the game put even just half of that effort into picking up an actual instrument maybe we wouldn’t have the less talented one hit wonders we now have in their places. Who knows?

You can really only ride the fame for so long. It’s even shorter when you don’t change anything except adding sell out artists (who nobody wanted to hear from since the early nineties anyway) on the cover your game.

It was a neat little game, and probably one of the most successful and recognizable add-on alternative controllers for a console.

NES-LightGun(except for this, or maybe the Sega vibrating vest)

We’ll always remember the countless hours spent with friends forming living room bands and playing to a venue of usually 5. I’m glad to see Activision make a wise decision to “break up the band” because no one wants to see something in music become unwanted and last longer than they probably should, never changing….

black eyed peas(Did anyone even read this article after the pictures of the half naked girls?)

-Photos used are property of Activison, Nintendo, A&M, Interscope, AW Music. They do not belong to GeekTheWorldOnline and are intended for use in character and media review in strictly entertainment and editorial means. Their use is protected by Section 107 under the US copyright law.